Happy Monday everyone! I’ll be taking a break over the next two weeks to spend time with family and friends in the DMV over Christmas and New Years. 2014 has been an amazing year in so many ways, and I can’t wait to see what next year has in store 🙂 I would like to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Years – and look forward to keeping this random convo going in 2015!
Only 8 more days before I see my fam – and you know what that means:
This past week has been ridiculously busy for me. As the end of the year rapidly approaches, there are looming deadlines at work as well as last minute items to attend to before I hop a plane and head home for the holidays. For these reasons, and probably a few others that I can’t quite remember, I admit to slacking off on providing the freshness that is Monday Motivation to this blog. Instead, below is a posting that I originally did for blackandmarriedwithkids.com earlier this year and that I’ve provided for your reading enjoyment. This subject also became a topic of conversation on an impromptu roadtrip with a friend recently. Anywho, don’t say I never gave you nothing 😉
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One of the original Boy Bands!
Due to my age I am admittedly a little behind the general population when it comes to my love for the music group ‘New Edition’. I love them, can listen to their music for hours on end, and even sat front row during their reunion tour (and yes, that included Bobby) a few short years ago where I was handed a rose by Johnnie….swoon! Fandom aside, I can definitely appreciate any artist who puts out music with quality lyrics. One of my favorite New Edition songs happens to do just that. ‘You’re Not My Kind of Girl” relays the sentiments of a man who encounters an amazing woman, yet can honestly admit to himself that she’s just not his kind. The chorus goes a little something like this:
Sorry, you’re not my kind of girl
You’re the kind of girl that a man’s dreams are made of
Sorry, you’re not my kind of girl
You’re the kind of girl that a man would be proud to call his own
How many of us can relate to the above? During my dating tenure, I can say that I have met some amazing men, from all walks of life, all of whom I believe are great people and some of whom I have been able to remain friends with to this very day. All of these men have redeeming qualities about them, were hard workers, providers, were family oriented, educated, and the list goes on and on. Now I know what you’re thinking – if these guys were so great, as I’ve claimed they were, then why didn’t it work out between us? The answer to this is simple, they were just not my kind or vice versa. Compatibility is a quality that I find important, and when dating I try to pay close attention to how compatible he and I are. For example, I’m a pretty goofy person who tries not to take myself or life too seriously, and can easily find a couple hundred things to laugh about on any given day. Someone who is more serious may not be a good fit for me. Also, I’m pretty out-of-the box, abhor routine and enjoy trying new things. A man who enjoys following a strict pattern when it comes to life may not be a good fit for me. Notice the emphasis that I’ve placed on each of those statements as I don’t believe there was anything inherently wrong with that individual. Instead I can be honest in admitting that while still amazing he may be better suited for someone else. The same can be said for me, as I understand that not every man may find my dry humor and acerbic wit attractive…and that’s ok 😉 Acknowledging that you’re not someone’s kind does not mean that you’re no one’s kind, or that you need to change anything about yourself – quite possibly you haven’t met the right one yet.
I like to use the phrase “There’s a lid for every pot” to illustrate the point that there is someone for everyone. Now, this isn’t suggesting that we should not continually look to improve ourselves and become better people – because we should and independent of our relationships status. But I am suggesting that you are enough, just as you are, and the right person will appreciate you – all of you. So get out there, have fun meeting and interacting with new and different people while learning about yourself in the process. Because you never know…you guys might just click, and end up singing & practicing the choreography to another New Edition song together – with matching leotards* and all 😉
I’m a feeler – I can’t help it, and this past week has been supremely heavy for me. I was still processing the impact of the Ferguson verdict when news came back that there would be no indictment towards the officer involved in the choking death of Eric Garner. This in spite of it being prohibited for NY police officers to use choke holds and the act being captured on video. And what, pray tell, was the crime that warranted the use of such excessive force? The illegal sale of cigarettes, that’s what. Really? Like, I can’t even with that bogus grand jury *starts to woosah and rub earlobes counterclockwise like Martin in Bad Boys 2*.
Even still, my faith and deep commitment to love (no matter what) has kept me from truly going off and maintaining focus on working towards meaningful change. Listening to music is another activity that has also helped me to unwind and not become overwhelmed with depression. One artist in particular recently released a song that really captured my attention. That artist is none other than Mrs. Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter:
While I don’t consider myself a member of the Beyhive, I do respect her business acumen and appreciate her new single ‘Ring Off‘. In the song, Beyonce sings to her mother about how she graciously handled the demise of her relationship with her now ex-husband and faced the difficult decision to take her ring off. Beyonce expresses a great deal of respect for her mother during that time and pride that she chose to take the “high road”. Less a celebration of divorce, the song celebrates those who are honest enough with themselves to choose to make difficult decisions regarding their relationships. As a single woman, I can attest to the social pressure to be in a relationship and the social hierarchy that can sometimes form pitting singles against non. It take much courage to stand up for yourself, especially when in the public eye, and have the audacity to do you.
There was a recent vlog by awesome YouTuber Bronzegoddess01 where she responds to a strawberry letter from a young woman who felt pressured to get married even though her purpose was leading her in a different direction. In the video response, Bronzegoddess01 urges the young woman to first seek her purpose and not worry about “losing” her relationship as anything that is compatible with her purpose will manifest in her life. Her response was consistent with the message contained in one of my fav Bible verses (Matt 6:33), which talks about seeking one’s purpose in God as being the key to having it all. I too have faced the challenge of walking away from something that “seemed” great but was not in line with where my life was headed at the time. But as the song says, “letting go is never the end”, and my faith in God’s direction for my life has strengthened my resolve to not hold onto anything that might hold me back. Salute to all the women (and men) who have struggled with and yet succeeded in making tough life decisions. You are the real mvp!
In my pursuit of financial independence (and after acknowledging that I’m much too impatient to wade through channels to determine what to watch) I made the decision to give my traditional cable package the boot. It’s been approximately two years since I made that decision, and I haven’t looked back. Thanks to streaming services such as Netflix and Hulu, I have not regretted my decision in the least. These services, and Netflix specifically, have exposed me to shows and movies that I probably would not otherwise have watched. The documentaries section on Netflix especially has provided me with an array of interesting items to view – the most recent of which has been the film ‘Blackfish‘. Considering that the film came out in 2013 I’m slightly late to the party, but still glad that I managed to make it. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the film, ‘Blackfish‘ details the story of Tilikum, a killer whale taken into captivity within the sea-park industry and the dire consequences that resulted. Without giving too much away, a consistent theme that emerged throughout the movie was this feeling of regret. Regret about the decision to subject killer whales to captivity, of not fully understanding the ramifications of the sea-park industry on these creatures, and the choice to support psychological and emotional trauma under the guise of entertainment. There was one quote in particular from the film that really stood out to me.
“I think that in 50 years, we’ll look back and go ‘My God, what a barbaric time.’”
It was interesting to observe the transformation that some who were involved in the sea-park industry underwent as they realized the true consequences of their actions and the harm that had been done. As I watched their remorseful and tear-strewn faces, I couldn’t help but wonder when the same degree of revelation about the adverse treatment of killer whales and the respect/humanity they deserve would become applied to Blacks in the United States whose lives have been cut short by law enforcement.
The response of protestors to the Ferguson verdict highlights a growing state of unrest. The legacy of slavery in the United States is something that many try to ignore or treat as if it were antiquated. In reality, it is our lack of reconciling the nearly 250 years of slavery followed by an additional almost 100 years of Jim Crow laws designed to enforce segregation and that supported racist practices and terrorism towards Blacks that has contributed to the current state of race relations in this country. To put things into perspective, there are still people alive today who experienced segregation and Jim Crow. Martin Luther King Jr. would have only been in his 80’s were he still alive. Unfortunately, it is not until America acknowledges the atrocities that were imposed on Blacks and work towards true reconciliation, which includes addressing privilege and dismantling institutionalized racism, that we can work towards true healing and justice. And unlike the above quote from Blackfish, I truly hope that it doesn’t take 50 years before this country has a Laurence Fishburne ‘School Daze‘ moment and truly wakes up.
Since entering my 30’s and moving to an arguably less “urban” city, I came to the harsh realization that I was losing touch with the slang that I had come to embrace in my teens. Thankfully my friend circle does include individuals who are younger than me and who help to keep me current (I’m not old enough to use the term “hip”…just saying). There are times, however when I’ve scrolled through Tumblr/Instagram/Twitter/etc. and found myself scratching my head as to what they’re talking about. Case in point:
Come again IHOP? Even my younger acquaintances were unable to assist me with this term. At times like this, I turn to Urban Dictionary – a trusty companion who discreetly hides your unawareness by providing you with the knowledge you need. According to Urban Dictionary, fleek is synonymous with perfection and is often used to describe one’s eyebrows when they have been properly groomed (in the above instance IHOP chose to apply the meaning differently for obvious reasons). Thanks to Urban Dictionary, I now feel confident incorporating this term into my everyday vocabulary – such as complimenting a coworker on their writing skills by commenting that their recent report was on fleek!
Ok, so the term may not have universal applicability, but I do appreciate Urban Dictionary for helping me maintain a vocabulary that the youngsters can appreciate 😉 That and for helping IHOP’s social media manager provide a steady Twitter feed that is chuckle-worthy.
You’ll get that one on your way home! Or maybe you won’t – which highlights the need for you to incorporate visits to Urban Dictionary* into your life 😉
*It is advised that you refrain from visiting this website while at the workplace, unless you or your coworkers have the urgent need to understand what terms like ‘banana polish’ mean. Either way, don’t say you weren’t warned.
As I was working on today’s blog posting I came across the above picture that I had previously saved in my ‘Inspired’ Dropbox folder, and realized that it pretty succinctly describes the motivation behind the naming of this blog. I’ve always been a little quirky, and tried on several occasions during my formative years to be more like the “cool kids”, but always felt inauthentic doing so. Over time I have slowly become comfortable with who I am (i.e., entrepreneurial Black chica w/an affinity for short haircuts, social justice issues, droll comedies & anything by Shonda Rhimes, who reads personal finance blogs for funsies, loves God and is passionate about seeing others fulfill their purpose), and have definitely been enjoying life ever since. In my experience, the “box” that we may try to place ourselves into due to perceived societal norms, family pressures, the media, etc. can be very limiting. Not only that, but each of us has been created for a purpose that is greater than ourselves. Meaning that who are you – isn’t even about you. And by withholding your authenticity you prevent others from experiencing and receiving inspiration from you. So at the end of the day – do you! Celebrate your individuality and your unique perspective on the world around you, and in the process know that there is someone out there who will be inspired by you to do the same.
I’ve been on mental overload as of late, as many things around me have inspired me to act. What this typically looks like for me is that something will happen (such as the recent occurrences in Ferguson) that will lead me to develop loads of ideas. Some of those ideas actually make it to the production stage, where at minimum a gmail account is created – and if I’m feeling particularly motivated a domain name will be reserved on godaddy. I’ll proceed to share these ideas with others, and use the support from others (or sometimes the lack thereof) to continue to fuel the developing stages of the new project. But over time, things seem to change and that exciting new idea becomes less exciting as life settles in, time and/or resources become limited, and the awesome reality that I originally envisioned seems farther and farther away. That idea eventually fades into the background, only to be replaced by a new idea, and then the process repeats itself. I had a ‘Come to Jesus’ moment on the drive into work this morning as another idea managed to seep its way into my brain. Only this time, the initial response wasn’t excitement as usual. No this time I became noticeably angry and frustrated that I keep having ideas, many of them I believe to be great, but haven’t been able to see many of them through.
Then I came across an article on one of my favorite online spaces (Clutch Magazine) which featured the above graphic tee, and I was reminded that greatness takes time and effort. While I believed I had (and still have) great ideas, I was allowing impatience to steal time away from working at my ideas and allowing them to develop. So I’ve issued myself a challenge, and that is to change my strategy and to work smarter (and more patiently) towards achieving my goals. This idea-generator that I call a brain will be put into good use, even if what it produces does not quite reach Oprah level success. I will be perfectly content strategically working on ideas that are most important to me, and hopefully while inspiring others to do the same 🙂
Source for the tee, and original article by Clutch Magazine on other cool statement graphic tees
My intentions were to write a well thought out and researched piece about the current situation in Ferguson, MO that resulted from the shooting death of unarmed teenager Michael Brown, Jr. I have been following the story closely since the very beginning and have related to the passion felt by those seeking justice.
But as I sat down to write, the coherency that I envisioned seemed to be hindered by the the combination of sadness and anger that I feel, and have felt every time a story like this one is put into the forefront. For a young man who was soon to attend college, and who had dreams of starting his own business. A young man who I’m sure wasn’t perfect, but did not deserve to die on August 9th.
This incident and ones similar to it continue to highlight the racial divide in this county. As much as we would like to believe that America is this utopian melting pot, we still have a long way to go before true equality is established.
I don’t know what the solution should be, which is extremely frustrating for my solution-oriented brain. But if nothing else I hope that the media attention that this case is receiving causes each of us to examine ourselves and how best we can support the change we wish to see.
What racially-motivated ideas/perceptions do I hold and how do those ideas/ perceptions manifest?
What might I be doing better to promote equality for all individuals, independent of race/ethnicity?
How can I help to create a society where individuals aren’t judged based on the color of their skin?
In what individual way can I contribute to the passing of legislature that supports a just and equitable society?
The eternal optimist in me continues to believe that change is possible, so long as I make it my personal responsibility to support change through my thoughts, words and actions.
Despite its release in 1971, the words of Marvin Gaye’s ‘What’s Going On?” still hold true today. One line from that song really stood out to me: “For only love can conquer hate.” Not only do I want to support change through my thoughts, words and actions, but I desire that unconditional love be the foundation upon which change occurs.
This year has been a year of tremendous change for me. I have transitioned to living in a renovation project (which for me has been analogous to camping indoors) and have taught myself to drive a stick shift beater. Despite my initial dislike of cats, I suddenly became the owner of two after a mouse sighting in my home (…a tad overly dramatic I know, but I never saw a mouse again!) and quickly came to love my kitties 🙂 That love was short lived, however, as I had to rehome my pets (the kitties and my dog Lundy) a few short months later after getting an exciting job opportunity that entailed a cross-country move to a state that I had never visited until recently: Wisconsin.
Saturday morn in downtown Madison = Farmer’s Market on steroids
A far cry from Richmond Virginia, I have had to provide a decent amount of explanation as to why I would consider a move to the midwest. But more importantly, I had to say goodbye to the wonderful people (one of whom faked proposed to me) I have met and have come to love during my decade run in Virginia’s Cap City. I now find myself in a new state, meeting new people, taking on new challenges, and learning a new side to myself in the process. I’ve ventured out and traveled solo, stayed in a hostel, and have come to appreciate the little things that make up the rich human experience. Throughout this entire process, I now understand that the point of it all is that purpose will always connect to right people, places, and things. This is an exciting new journey for me, one that is bittersweet but filled with new possibilities. I will continue to document life as it unfolds right here – same Bat Time, same Bat Channel! Until next time 😉
Exactly one week ago today was the nationally recognized day of buffoonery – otherwise known as ‘April Fool’s Day’. The one day of the year where people who might not otherwise be considered funny can get their opportunity to shine. It also, unfortunately, can lead to mishaps – as one woman learned after her arrest for calling in a fake shooting at an area school…smh. Stories like that one bring to mind the ‘When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong’ skits from the Chappelle’s show.
Wu Tang indeed Dave. Anywho, one of my close friends and I decided to get in on the April Fool’s Day fun by becoming fake engaged and announcing our engagement on Facebook. He put in most of the manpower to “stage” our engagement as my work schedule was hectic that day, and posted multiple pictures of the two of us on his page, along with falsified pictures of the engagement ring, etc. I popped in as my work schedule permitted to provide colorful commentary and to add to the believability of our hoax. Both of us went into this activity not really believing that anyone would take us seriously, and close friends of ours did call us out on our joke (and he even received a few ‘You can’t be serious?’ comments via private messages). But surprisingly, a number of people congratulated both of us and even left pretty heartfelt messages about the qualities that the other person would be gaining through our union. Awwwww, you guys…. I also realized the potential seriousness of our situation when I received an out-of-state phone call from my mom who had been notified by a close friend of hers about my “engagement”. Needless to say, we made sure to come clean that night (this time on both Facebook and Instagram), though I have continued to get congratulatory messages even a week later.
As someone who has never been engaged before, this was definitely an eye-opening experience, and one that taught me a few things.
Seriously, I did not expect the number of responses that we received, and how happy some people genuinely seemed to be for me. Even people whom I haven’t spoken to in years expressed congratulations, which definitely helped to spread the warm-fuzzies.
It is interesting to me that certain events seem to automatically elicit a positive response from others. For example, my “fiancé” could have easily been the biggest man-hoe* in the world and not at all marriage material, but yet his announcement produced majority congratulatory commentary. I’m guilty of this as well, but wonder if this socially acceptable response should be revisited until further research has determined that it is warranted and well deserved.
Facebook unapologetically tells your business, and doesn’t care who knows it. Anyone who doesn’t want information about themselves becoming publicly consumed should seriously reconsider utilizing any form of social media, or at least have a thorough understanding of the privacy settings on their account.
At the end of the day, I’m glad that I had this experience as I feel I’ve gotten a preview into what engaged life might look like…..provided I’m not choosing to marry a jerk and that others aren’t shy about letting me in on this fact. But I do agree that congratulations are in order for anyone who has the opportunity to commit their lives to their very best friend. Until that has happened for me, I’ll try to suppress my weird sense of humor and keep my April Fool’s Day jokes on a more conservative level in the future. Ha, who am I kidding – that probably won’t happen, especially when there are people who give you ideas like putting eyeballs on all of the items in your fridge, lol!
*My friend is an amazing person, and the above statement was solely used for discussion purposes. And actually…he’s single, as am I – holla at us 😉
differentnorm 