Small Head

chipotle

 

So today’s posting is a throwback to my short stint on tumblr from about 2011-2012, where I shared random stories/occurrences that took place in my life.  Enjoy 😉

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I like Chipotle, and by like, I mean I really really like – so much so that I’m thinking of dedicating to them a remix of J. Cole’s ‘Can’t Get Enough’.  It’s that serious, but I’m working on it.

Anywho, I’m in line the other day after submitting my usual order for a chicken burrito bowl, when the cashier gives me a compliment on my haircut.  I’ve been rocking a near baldy for about 4 years now, and decided to do it on a whim just to see how it would look.  Needless to say, I ended up loving it, and after trying different short hair cut variations (including the infamous mohawk – loved that too!), I’m now experimenting with what I like to call the “fuzzy top”.  The “fuzzy top” is my modified version of the high top fade, which seems to be making a comeback.

The originator of the high top fade

The originator of the high top fade

I get some pretty interesting feedback about my hairstyle choices, but for the most part they’re positive.  This Chipotle cashier was no exception, as she commented that she “loved my hair!”  She caught me a little off guard as I was mentally already caught in the bliss of enjoying my chicken burrito bowl, but her comment brought me back to reality as I graciously thanked her.  But her compliment didn’t end there, oh no.  “It looks good on you, you have such a nice small head!”  I automatically thanked her again for her “compliment”, and it was only later – after I ate my chicken burrito bowl of course, that I was able to process what she’d said.  Telling someone that they have a small head isn’t really a compliment.  I understood what she meant, as it wasn’t the first time that I’ve been complimented on my less-than-gargatuan head size, but everytime I hear my head referred to as “small”, I can’t help but have a visual of the pawn shop owner from the ‘Men in Black’.  You know, the one whose head regrows after being shot off by Agents J or K?

jeebs-head

Yeah, his head isn’t exactly one that I aspire to emulate.  Now don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate the cashier’s compliment (along with the fact that she works at the greatest place on Earth!), but I would place the small head compliment in the same category as telling someone they look sick.  While said comment is well intentioned, it can also carry a negative connotation that suggests that the person does not look their best .  Hopefully said person is sick, because if not, then they have just been dissed.  Just saying.

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Urban Dictionary – How I Heart Thee

urban dictionary

Since entering my 30’s and moving to an arguably less “urban” city, I came to the harsh realization that I was losing touch with the slang that I had come to embrace in my teens.  Thankfully my friend circle does include individuals who are younger than me and who help to keep me current (I’m not old enough to use the term “hip”…just saying).  There are times, however when I’ve scrolled through Tumblr/Instagram/Twitter/etc. and found myself scratching my head as to what they’re talking about.  Case in point:

ihopfleek

Come again IHOP?  Even my younger acquaintances were unable to assist me with this term.  At times like this, I turn to Urban Dictionary – a trusty companion who discreetly hides your unawareness by providing you with the knowledge you need.  According to Urban Dictionary, fleek is synonymous with perfection and is often used to describe one’s eyebrows when they have been properly groomed (in the above instance IHOP chose to apply the meaning differently for obvious reasons).  Thanks to Urban Dictionary, I now feel confident incorporating this term into my everyday vocabulary – such as complimenting a coworker on their writing skills by commenting that their recent report was on fleek!

self_high_five

Ok, so the term may not have universal applicability, but I do appreciate Urban Dictionary for helping me maintain a vocabulary that the youngsters can appreciate 😉  That and for helping IHOP’s social media manager provide a steady Twitter feed that is chuckle-worthy.

ihop-tweet-bobby-shmurda-geeksandcleats

You’ll get that one on your way home!  Or maybe you won’t – which highlights the need for you to incorporate visits to Urban Dictionary* into your life 😉

 

*It is advised that you refrain from visiting this website while at the workplace, unless you or your coworkers have the urgent need to understand what terms like ‘banana polish’ mean.  Either way, don’t say you weren’t warned.

In consideration of facial & chest hair…

So last night was SVU night (which features the original Olivia…don’t act like you don’t know), which is a standing tradition that I share with my now ex-fiance.  During the episode (which was a good one – Benson be going through some things & Orange is the New Black guy is a little too convincing…) my compadre revealed to me that he was on the verge of a major life decision, and one that he felt the need to share with me.  Our conversation went a little something like this:

Him: “I’m thinking about cutting this off” (motions to beard)

Me: “Why?”

Him: “Because it’s hot.  And I’m thinking of getting rid of this too” (proceeds to point to chest hair)

Me: “No, WHY?!”

Him: “It’s starting to itch”

Clearly our convos are always super deep.  The remainder of our conversation had to wait, though, until after we had witnessed Olivia’s fate from being kidnapped by her captor, but once 10pm hit our conversation resumed.  Now to place this in context, my beloved man friend (his Iyanla Vanzant-inspired nickname) is very familiar with my affinity for beards and chest hair.  And not in a pervy way, but in a healthy respect for masculinity kind of way.  I’ve attached two pictures as references.

 

Thumbs up!

Thumbs up!

Ummmmm...

Ummmmm…

The first is an example of a visually appealing amount of facial and chest hair that exemplifies manliness without being over-the-top.  The second pic ventures into uncharted territory, as the chest hair is in the position to be braided up with beads.  This includes chest hair that manages to escape and creep up beyond the shirt collar to chill on the neck for all to see.  At the end of the day, there are different strokes for different folks, and ultimately all men are given the license to “do you”.  But as it pertained to my friend, I did ask him to show some level of consideration in his decision making process as selfishness is never a desirable attribute – for any gender.

Sidenote: Today also happens to be my parent’s 32nd wedding anniversary, and in a weird and convoluted way this posting is very timely as my father was my very first beard and chest hair exemplar.  Thanks Dad & enjoy your Anniversary *cues Tony Toni Tone*!

Congratulations: Lessons Learned from my Fake Engagement

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Exactly one week ago today was the nationally recognized day of buffoonery – otherwise known as ‘April Fool’s Day’. The one day of the year where people who might not otherwise be considered funny can get their opportunity to shine. It also, unfortunately, can lead to mishaps – as one woman learned after her arrest for calling in a fake shooting at an area school…smh. Stories like that one bring to mind the ‘When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong’ skits from the Chappelle’s show.

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Wu Tang indeed Dave.  Anywho, one of my close friends and I decided to get in on the April Fool’s Day fun by becoming fake engaged and announcing our engagement on Facebook. He put in most of the manpower to “stage” our engagement as my work schedule was hectic that day, and posted multiple pictures of the two of us on his page, along with falsified pictures of the engagement ring, etc. I popped in as my work schedule permitted to provide colorful commentary and to add to the believability of our hoax. Both of us went into this activity not really believing that anyone would take us seriously, and close friends of ours did call us out on our joke (and he even received a few ‘You can’t be serious?’ comments via private messages). But surprisingly, a number of people congratulated both of us and even left pretty heartfelt messages about the qualities that the other person would be gaining through our union.  Awwwww, you guys….  I also realized the potential seriousness of our situation when I received an out-of-state phone call from my mom who had been notified by a close friend of hers about my “engagement”. Needless to say, we made sure to come clean that night (this time on both Facebook and Instagram), though I have continued to get congratulatory messages even a week later.

As someone who has never been engaged before, this was definitely an eye-opening experience, and one that taught me a few things.

  1. You may have more people in your corner than you realize.

Seriously, I did not expect the number of responses that we received, and how happy some people genuinely seemed to be for me. Even people whom I haven’t spoken to in years expressed congratulations, which definitely helped to spread the warm-fuzzies.

  1. People seem to generally hold positive views about marriage.

It is interesting to me that certain events seem to automatically elicit a positive response from others. For example, my “fiancé” could have easily been the biggest man-hoe* in the world and not at all marriage material, but yet his announcement produced majority congratulatory commentary. I’m guilty of this as well, but wonder if this socially acceptable response should be revisited until further research has determined that it is warranted and well deserved.

  1. Word travels fast

Facebook unapologetically tells your business, and doesn’t care who knows it. Anyone who doesn’t want information about themselves becoming publicly consumed should seriously reconsider utilizing any form of social media, or at least have a thorough understanding of the privacy settings on their account.

At the end of the day, I’m glad that I had this experience as I feel I’ve gotten a preview into what engaged life might look like…..provided I’m not choosing to marry a jerk and that others aren’t shy about letting me in on this fact. But I do agree that congratulations are in order for anyone who has the opportunity to commit their lives to their very best friend. Until that has happened for me, I’ll try to suppress my weird sense of humor and keep my April Fool’s Day jokes on a more conservative level in the future. Ha, who am I kidding – that probably won’t happen, especially when there are people who give you ideas like putting eyeballs on all of the items in your fridge, lol!

Image source

 

*My friend is an amazing person, and the above statement was solely used for discussion purposes. And actually…he’s single, as am I – holla at us 😉

You don’t appreciate what you have…..until it’s gone

I didn't begin to appreciate the consistent intensity of Jack Bauer until nearly 3 years after '24' left the air.

I didn’t begin to appreciate the consistent intensity of Jack Bauer until nearly 3 years after ’24’ left the air.

*proceeds to blow dust from this blog*

It has been seven months and exactly one day since I’ve shared on this blog….and true to the title of this post, you really don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone*.  By that I mean this blog had become a cathartic release for me – a place where my creative juices, overactive imagination, and flights of randomness could coexist in harmony and without judgment.  But time demands, career changes, and just plain-ole’ trying to figure out life has led me away from posting on a regular basis.  In the time that I’ve been away, so much has happened (including my turning the big 3-0 *gasp*) and I truly regret not documenting my experiences in real time……at minimum so that I can look back at this point in time in my life in the future and chuckle at the person that I’ve allowed myself to be 😉  At any rate, I have immensely missed regularly writing, and rather than continue the ’24’ marathon that I have currently paused on ‘Netflix’** – I’ve decided to wipe away the cobwebs and begin anew with posting.  So here I am on this day after “Mass Genocide Appreciation Day” (i.e. Columbus Day), seven months wiser and motivated to write again as I continue my pursuit of normalcy within my differentially defined bounds.  Stay tuned!

* This statement continued to ring true as I remembered that, earlier today while filling my gas tank, I threw away a baggie containing yogurts that I packed as snack the day before along with the spoon that I packed with the yogurts.  That spoon will be missed,the yogurts…..not so much.

**I greatly admire that the show captures commercial breaks in their clock countdowns.  Guessing the amount of time that has transpired during commercials has become a fun guessing game for my friends and I while watching the show.

‘Elephant’ – The Superhero Sidekick!

superhero

Today’s random tale is another throwback from my earlier days in blogging and recognizes two things that I love: 1) my nephew & 2) superheroes.  I hope that you enjoy!  I also, just for kicks and giggles, put my name into a Superhero Name Generator and was informed that my superhero name would be ‘The Incredible Freak’.  Yeah……not entirely sure what that’s about, but I hope that you all have an amazing Thursday 🙂

My (then) 4 year old nephew is a pure comedic genius, and the things he comes up with make this random auntie proud.  I was on the phone with my mother a few months ago, just doing my regular family check-in.  She was being encouraging as I was feeling down that day after having a not-so-pleasant experience with a member of the opposite sex.  She proceeds to put my nephew on the phone so that he could say ’Hi’, and after greeting me, he tells me that I’m his girlfriend.  Now, I saw two things wrong with this picture: (1), he should not think that it’s appropriate to just tell a woman that she is his girlfriend.  She should be extended the invitation, preferably after being wooed with nice things like dinners and superhero movies directed by Christopher Nolan, and (2) I can’t have my own nephew be my rebound guy!  I kindly turned down my nephew’s offer after explaining to him that I wasn’t his girlfriend but his aunt.  He simply replied ‘Ok’, and presented a counter offer – that I could instead be his superhero sidekick!  As much as I love superhero movies, I was ready to jump at the offer, until he told me that my name would be ‘Elephant’.  *insert record scratch*  Come again little guy, because I know you’re not trying to take a jab at my weight?  I surpressed the side of me that wanted to throw shade at a 4 year old, and instead happily accepted his offer.  Now, you may not find me driving in a tricked-out car and responding to a lit signal displayed in the night sky, but I will be around……watching……protecting…….I am Elephant!

Sweet Thing

andy confetti gif

“I would love you anyway

Even if you cannot stay

I think you are the one for me

Here is where you ought…to beeeeee”

I am in LOVE…..or maybe I should say strong like.  I mean, I’ve known about the object of my affection for awhile, but it’s only recently that I’ve come to the full appreciation of its being.  It’s sweet, sugary, cream cheese icing laced, get in my belly IMMEDIATELY being!  And yes, this post is dedicated to red velvet cupcakes.

red velvet cupcakes

Yummy!  For some reason, last week I had a random craving for red velvet cupcakes.  I’ve never been into sweets, so I gave into said craving and, wow – Martin’s did not disappoint.  Those cupcakes were the bomb.com…and my housemates agreed.  Needless to say, those cupcakes didn’t stand a chance in my house (and I learned a valuable lesson, that when you offer something as delicious as red velvet cupcakes to others, some people take that as license to eat all that remain…except for one, which is yours….le sigh).  Fast forward to this week, and I give into the same craving while shopping at Walmart…only this time, I purchase a single serving to keep myself in check…..and so I didn’t have to share. Man oh man, Walmart might be the devil (though they were the only ones open during the time of night that I chose to go shopping), but that piece of cake was so good!  In general, I try to eat pretty healthily, so I didn’t feel super guilty about my recent excursions into red velvet-land.  And on top of that, I’m planning to start a 30-day fast/detox in the beginning of January – so I’m allowing myself a few sweets until then.  But I’m going to have to learn how to make these babies for myself….and possibly in a healthier (maybe vegan?) form.  Hmmmmm *strokes invisible pondering beard*….I’ll keep you posted.  But the moral of this story is: Walmart = bad (seriously, they’ve been criticized on multiple occassions for offering inadequate benefits to their employees, among other things…), but red velvet cupcakes are always good.  That’s why they’re my ‘sweet thing’, tell’em Chaka: