Happy Monday everyone! I’ll be taking a break over the next two weeks to spend time with family and friends in the DMV over Christmas and New Years. 2014 has been an amazing year in so many ways, and I can’t wait to see what next year has in store 🙂 I would like to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Years – and look forward to keeping this random convo going in 2015!
Only 8 more days before I see my fam – and you know what that means:
This past week has been ridiculously busy for me. As the end of the year rapidly approaches, there are looming deadlines at work as well as last minute items to attend to before I hop a plane and head home for the holidays. For these reasons, and probably a few others that I can’t quite remember, I admit to slacking off on providing the freshness that is Monday Motivation to this blog. Instead, below is a posting that I originally did for blackandmarriedwithkids.com earlier this year and that I’ve provided for your reading enjoyment. This subject also became a topic of conversation on an impromptu roadtrip with a friend recently. Anywho, don’t say I never gave you nothing 😉
********************************************************************************************************************************************
One of the original Boy Bands!
Due to my age I am admittedly a little behind the general population when it comes to my love for the music group ‘New Edition’. I love them, can listen to their music for hours on end, and even sat front row during their reunion tour (and yes, that included Bobby) a few short years ago where I was handed a rose by Johnnie….swoon! Fandom aside, I can definitely appreciate any artist who puts out music with quality lyrics. One of my favorite New Edition songs happens to do just that. ‘You’re Not My Kind of Girl” relays the sentiments of a man who encounters an amazing woman, yet can honestly admit to himself that she’s just not his kind. The chorus goes a little something like this:
Sorry, you’re not my kind of girl
You’re the kind of girl that a man’s dreams are made of
Sorry, you’re not my kind of girl
You’re the kind of girl that a man would be proud to call his own
How many of us can relate to the above? During my dating tenure, I can say that I have met some amazing men, from all walks of life, all of whom I believe are great people and some of whom I have been able to remain friends with to this very day. All of these men have redeeming qualities about them, were hard workers, providers, were family oriented, educated, and the list goes on and on. Now I know what you’re thinking – if these guys were so great, as I’ve claimed they were, then why didn’t it work out between us? The answer to this is simple, they were just not my kind or vice versa. Compatibility is a quality that I find important, and when dating I try to pay close attention to how compatible he and I are. For example, I’m a pretty goofy person who tries not to take myself or life too seriously, and can easily find a couple hundred things to laugh about on any given day. Someone who is more serious may not be a good fit for me. Also, I’m pretty out-of-the box, abhor routine and enjoy trying new things. A man who enjoys following a strict pattern when it comes to life may not be a good fit for me. Notice the emphasis that I’ve placed on each of those statements as I don’t believe there was anything inherently wrong with that individual. Instead I can be honest in admitting that while still amazing he may be better suited for someone else. The same can be said for me, as I understand that not every man may find my dry humor and acerbic wit attractive…and that’s ok 😉 Acknowledging that you’re not someone’s kind does not mean that you’re no one’s kind, or that you need to change anything about yourself – quite possibly you haven’t met the right one yet.
I like to use the phrase “There’s a lid for every pot” to illustrate the point that there is someone for everyone. Now, this isn’t suggesting that we should not continually look to improve ourselves and become better people – because we should and independent of our relationships status. But I am suggesting that you are enough, just as you are, and the right person will appreciate you – all of you. So get out there, have fun meeting and interacting with new and different people while learning about yourself in the process. Because you never know…you guys might just click, and end up singing & practicing the choreography to another New Edition song together – with matching leotards* and all 😉
I’m a feeler – I can’t help it, and this past week has been supremely heavy for me. I was still processing the impact of the Ferguson verdict when news came back that there would be no indictment towards the officer involved in the choking death of Eric Garner. This in spite of it being prohibited for NY police officers to use choke holds and the act being captured on video. And what, pray tell, was the crime that warranted the use of such excessive force? The illegal sale of cigarettes, that’s what. Really? Like, I can’t even with that bogus grand jury *starts to woosah and rub earlobes counterclockwise like Martin in Bad Boys 2*.
Even still, my faith and deep commitment to love (no matter what) has kept me from truly going off and maintaining focus on working towards meaningful change. Listening to music is another activity that has also helped me to unwind and not become overwhelmed with depression. One artist in particular recently released a song that really captured my attention. That artist is none other than Mrs. Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter:
While I don’t consider myself a member of the Beyhive, I do respect her business acumen and appreciate her new single ‘Ring Off‘. In the song, Beyonce sings to her mother about how she graciously handled the demise of her relationship with her now ex-husband and faced the difficult decision to take her ring off. Beyonce expresses a great deal of respect for her mother during that time and pride that she chose to take the “high road”. Less a celebration of divorce, the song celebrates those who are honest enough with themselves to choose to make difficult decisions regarding their relationships. As a single woman, I can attest to the social pressure to be in a relationship and the social hierarchy that can sometimes form pitting singles against non. It take much courage to stand up for yourself, especially when in the public eye, and have the audacity to do you.
There was a recent vlog by awesome YouTuber Bronzegoddess01 where she responds to a strawberry letter from a young woman who felt pressured to get married even though her purpose was leading her in a different direction. In the video response, Bronzegoddess01 urges the young woman to first seek her purpose and not worry about “losing” her relationship as anything that is compatible with her purpose will manifest in her life. Her response was consistent with the message contained in one of my fav Bible verses (Matt 6:33), which talks about seeking one’s purpose in God as being the key to having it all. I too have faced the challenge of walking away from something that “seemed” great but was not in line with where my life was headed at the time. But as the song says, “letting go is never the end”, and my faith in God’s direction for my life has strengthened my resolve to not hold onto anything that might hold me back. Salute to all the women (and men) who have struggled with and yet succeeded in making tough life decisions. You are the real mvp!
In my pursuit of financial independence (and after acknowledging that I’m much too impatient to wade through channels to determine what to watch) I made the decision to give my traditional cable package the boot. It’s been approximately two years since I made that decision, and I haven’t looked back. Thanks to streaming services such as Netflix and Hulu, I have not regretted my decision in the least. These services, and Netflix specifically, have exposed me to shows and movies that I probably would not otherwise have watched. The documentaries section on Netflix especially has provided me with an array of interesting items to view – the most recent of which has been the film ‘Blackfish‘. Considering that the film came out in 2013 I’m slightly late to the party, but still glad that I managed to make it. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the film, ‘Blackfish‘ details the story of Tilikum, a killer whale taken into captivity within the sea-park industry and the dire consequences that resulted. Without giving too much away, a consistent theme that emerged throughout the movie was this feeling of regret. Regret about the decision to subject killer whales to captivity, of not fully understanding the ramifications of the sea-park industry on these creatures, and the choice to support psychological and emotional trauma under the guise of entertainment. There was one quote in particular from the film that really stood out to me.
“I think that in 50 years, we’ll look back and go ‘My God, what a barbaric time.’”
It was interesting to observe the transformation that some who were involved in the sea-park industry underwent as they realized the true consequences of their actions and the harm that had been done. As I watched their remorseful and tear-strewn faces, I couldn’t help but wonder when the same degree of revelation about the adverse treatment of killer whales and the respect/humanity they deserve would become applied to Blacks in the United States whose lives have been cut short by law enforcement.
The response of protestors to the Ferguson verdict highlights a growing state of unrest. The legacy of slavery in the United States is something that many try to ignore or treat as if it were antiquated. In reality, it is our lack of reconciling the nearly 250 years of slavery followed by an additional almost 100 years of Jim Crow laws designed to enforce segregation and that supported racist practices and terrorism towards Blacks that has contributed to the current state of race relations in this country. To put things into perspective, there are still people alive today who experienced segregation and Jim Crow. Martin Luther King Jr. would have only been in his 80’s were he still alive. Unfortunately, it is not until America acknowledges the atrocities that were imposed on Blacks and work towards true reconciliation, which includes addressing privilege and dismantling institutionalized racism, that we can work towards true healing and justice. And unlike the above quote from Blackfish, I truly hope that it doesn’t take 50 years before this country has a Laurence Fishburne ‘School Daze‘ moment and truly wakes up.
I once read that ‘A problem that makes you angry is something that you were designed to solve’, and while I have no recollection of the original author I do believe that statement to be true. Now – Pharrell’s inspiration aside, I (in general) am a pretty happy go-lucky person. I don’t hold onto grudges, and little things tend to not get me down…at least not for long. Though few and potentially far between, there are those moments when something just sets. me. OFF! A recent occurrence that took me there was the tragedy that continues to play out in the media in Ferguson, MO. That situation prompted me to take action by becoming personally educated on the issues that were important to me and connect to like-minded individuals who were seeking solutions. Since then, I have been paying close attention to other situations that have prompted me to act. In doing so, I noticed a common theme among the things that triggered me: they were all social-justice oriented. Case in point:
Situation: Unarmed teen is shot by police and then his humanity is put on trial by the media to justify the action
My response: Argh – that sucks! Now, what can I do about it?
Situation: My new home state is leading the nation in incarceration rates of Black males…that in spite of Blacks making up less than 10% of the total population
My response: Argh – that sucks! Now, what can I do about it?
Situation: Shonda Rhimes accused of being an “angry Black women” by the NY Times for daring to create shows with diversity and strong female leads.
My response: Argh – that sucks! Now, what can I do about it?
Situation: Just got out of church & I have a taste for a Chik Fil A kid’s meal. Wait -Chik Fil A is closed on Sundays!!
My response: Argh – that sucks! Now, what can I do about it?
Ok – so that last example may not have equaled the first three in the emotional response it elicited from me, but it does suck when you have a taste for something and can’t satisfy that craving…just saying. Bottom line, my awareness of my triggers highlighted to me that an important aspect of my purpose is to promote social justice. Since then, I have connected myself to a few likeminded individuals and groups, Justified Anger being one of them and Groundwork another, to contribute towards solutions to address social injustices in the city I reside. I feel so fulfilled in the work that I have been able to do, and have an immense amount of respect for those individuals who have and continue to do the work of fighting injustice. Cornel West said it best when he defined justice as what love looks like in public. I couldn’t agree more, and will continue to support the demonstration of true, agape love by promoting social justice for all.
So if you find yourself angry – that might just be a good thing if it highlights an area of your purpose that you were designed to solve. Now it’s time to get to work!
I was recently notified that I had posted my 40th blog posting on this site since its inception in 2012. Wow – for someone with a relatively short attention span about some most things, I realized this was cause to celebrate *starts to shmoney dance in 5..4..3..2…)!
😉 Now, officially my 40th blog post was a reblog of the important events that were taking place in Ferguson, MO. Today’s post is technically my 41st post, and while 41 is a prime number that is not given as much recognition as 40 – there is no less cause to celebrate. As I sat down to write, the phrase ’40 is the new 30′ kept repeating in my head. Generally phrases like that hold no meaning for me, but the more I thought about it the more parallels I saw between the underlying meaning of that phrase and the direction in which I see this blog taking. To me, ’40 is the new 30′ represents the youthfulness and vitality that is now being associated with the age of 40. As someone who will be turning 40 in 9 short years, I can definitely relate as I’ve come to an increased understanding and comfort level with who I am as I age – which is reflected in how I see the world and interact with those around me. I also want to see a similar transition manifest in this blog space, where as it ages it becomes more authentic and impactful. So yeah, I definitely look forward to getting my Nia Long/Gabrielle Union/Sanaa Lathan/insert-names-of-other-women-who-epitomize-preserving-the-sexy-here on as I age, and hope that change takes hold not only in my personal life, but in the way I blog, in my pursuit of passions & goals, in how I interact with others, and in the way I engage the world around me. That motivation is worthy of celebration indeed!
I had an absolutely amazing weekend, one that was absolutely full of love as I was able to reconnect with great friends prior to embarking on a major life change (more to come!). During that time I was also introduced to this phenomenal woman and loved her ‘Take the Lead’ talk so much that I had to share. This woman is a legit BEAST – and I admire how she manages to not lose her individuality within her professional identity. I hope that you enjoy and feel empowered on this Monday morning!
(click pic for source)
The nerve…. I’ve developed several of those in 2014. Not in the physiological sense, but more so in the realm of enhanced confidence. Growing up I had my battle with confidence, and my being skinny and donning both glasses and braces for most of my early years did not help matters. But at some point in my late teen/early twenty-dom…confidence developed in such a way that I’ve been able to navigate through life mostly unscathed and in a manner in which I’m comfortable. But recently things have changed, and I don’t know whether this change should be attributed to the new year or my turning the big 3-0. Independent of the cause, there has been an increased drive in me to unapologetically pursue every dream and passion that God has placed in my heart. Like….it’s so not a game. To place this into context, I’ve traded my more luxurious car for a stick-shift beater that I taught myself to drive in a little over a week and have since moved into a home I’m renovating that’s maybe a step above being a former crack house* because both decisions will further propel me towards my endgame. Needless to say, both decisions I consider to be sacrifices, and have garnered a bit of negative attention and critique from those closest to me. Honestly, I completely understand their concerns…I do. But fear of the unknowns and ‘what ifs’ are minimal in my perspective relative to the tremendous gains to be made.
Fear & Self Doubt: 
I’ve been reading a book recently entitled ‘Sun Stand Still’, and a line in the book really stood out to me. The author wrote: ‘Time can talk you out of your dreams. Routine can weaken your propensity towards audacity’. I reflected upon those two sentences and realized that if I wasn’t careful, it would be easy for me to drift towards a life of mediocrity and predictability rather than one that was passion-filled and required an immense amount of faith through which to navigate. That and I was finding myself becoming increasingly bored and unmotivated with where things were in my life. I quickly assessed my situation and realized there were things within my power that I could change……but then I realized that those decisions might require some discomfort on my part. And on top of that, what might people think? Thankfully those doubtful thoughts lacked staying power, and I was able to move forward with a renewed albeit somewhat out there plan, and I can say that I’ve been enjoying the process. It’s a little bit scary, yes. But also incredibly exciting and encouraging knowing that I’m being further propelled towards my purpose, and doing so in a way that requires that I have faith in a power greater than myself. This process has also shown me that I’m a pretty audacious chick-a-dee! That word has stuck with me, and will reflect my theme for the remainder of the year. I plan to have an amazingly audacious year, one that is extremely bold and fearless, and will be using this blog to document my experiences (the ups and the downs) with completing projects and my ultimate pursuit of passion and purpose. Who’s with me?
*more elaboration to come, stay tuned 😉
What are you waiting on? Serious question – what are you waiting on before you take action on things that you’ve wished or hoped to do? I’ve written before about my commitment to give procrastination it’s walking papers, and I have been working really hard to make some serious changes in my life so as not to hinder my own progress. I have several updates as it relates to this topic and that I will be sharing in future posts – but today I would like to focus on you. If you’ve never heard these words before, know that you are amazing and the world is waiting for you – your brilliance, your creativity, your feedback, your talent, your gift, your motivation, your contribution, your time, your effort, your love…….YOU! Don’t leave us all hanging, please, and more importantly, don’t leave yourself hanging by not fully experiencing all that you have to offer. Let the above graphic serve as a motivational tool for you to carve out time to pursue anything that has been waiting in the wings, and I hope that you have an amazingly productive and fulfilled week as a result 🙂 Happy Sunday!
I didn’t begin to appreciate the consistent intensity of Jack Bauer until nearly 3 years after ’24’ left the air.
*proceeds to blow dust from this blog*
It has been seven months and exactly one day since I’ve shared on this blog….and true to the title of this post, you really don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone*. By that I mean this blog had become a cathartic release for me – a place where my creative juices, overactive imagination, and flights of randomness could coexist in harmony and without judgment. But time demands, career changes, and just plain-ole’ trying to figure out life has led me away from posting on a regular basis. In the time that I’ve been away, so much has happened (including my turning the big 3-0 *gasp*) and I truly regret not documenting my experiences in real time……at minimum so that I can look back at this point in time in my life in the future and chuckle at the person that I’ve allowed myself to be 😉 At any rate, I have immensely missed regularly writing, and rather than continue the ’24’ marathon that I have currently paused on ‘Netflix’** – I’ve decided to wipe away the cobwebs and begin anew with posting. So here I am on this day after “Mass Genocide Appreciation Day” (i.e. Columbus Day), seven months wiser and motivated to write again as I continue my pursuit of normalcy within my differentially defined bounds. Stay tuned!
* This statement continued to ring true as I remembered that, earlier today while filling my gas tank, I threw away a baggie containing yogurts that I packed as snack the day before along with the spoon that I packed with the yogurts. That spoon will be missed,the yogurts…..not so much.
**I greatly admire that the show captures commercial breaks in their clock countdowns. Guessing the amount of time that has transpired during commercials has become a fun guessing game for my friends and I while watching the show.
differentnorm 