In consideration of facial & chest hair…

So last night was SVU night (which features the original Olivia…don’t act like you don’t know), which is a standing tradition that I share with my now ex-fiance.  During the episode (which was a good one – Benson be going through some things & Orange is the New Black guy is a little too convincing…) my compadre revealed to me that he was on the verge of a major life decision, and one that he felt the need to share with me.  Our conversation went a little something like this:

Him: “I’m thinking about cutting this off” (motions to beard)

Me: “Why?”

Him: “Because it’s hot.  And I’m thinking of getting rid of this too” (proceeds to point to chest hair)

Me: “No, WHY?!”

Him: “It’s starting to itch”

Clearly our convos are always super deep.  The remainder of our conversation had to wait, though, until after we had witnessed Olivia’s fate from being kidnapped by her captor, but once 10pm hit our conversation resumed.  Now to place this in context, my beloved man friend (his Iyanla Vanzant-inspired nickname) is very familiar with my affinity for beards and chest hair.  And not in a pervy way, but in a healthy respect for masculinity kind of way.  I’ve attached two pictures as references.

 

Thumbs up!

Thumbs up!

Ummmmm...

Ummmmm…

The first is an example of a visually appealing amount of facial and chest hair that exemplifies manliness without being over-the-top.  The second pic ventures into uncharted territory, as the chest hair is in the position to be braided up with beads.  This includes chest hair that manages to escape and creep up beyond the shirt collar to chill on the neck for all to see.  At the end of the day, there are different strokes for different folks, and ultimately all men are given the license to “do you”.  But as it pertained to my friend, I did ask him to show some level of consideration in his decision making process as selfishness is never a desirable attribute – for any gender.

Sidenote: Today also happens to be my parent’s 32nd wedding anniversary, and in a weird and convoluted way this posting is very timely as my father was my very first beard and chest hair exemplar.  Thanks Dad & enjoy your Anniversary *cues Tony Toni Tone*!

Happy Valen-times Day!

nothing-steve-jobs-ever-valentines-day-ecard-someecards2 (1)

It’s been a long time

I shouldn’t have left you

Without a dope blog post to read to

My attempt at a song remix would sound much better over a Timberland beat.  But while I work out the details of that arrangement, I would like to take the time to wish all of you a very Happy Valentine’s Day (or Valen-times Day….depending on who you’re speaking to…..)!

colbert

Colbert knows how I feel 😉  Valentine’s Day is one of my all-time favorite holidays, and no, it’s not because I’ve been receiving floral bouquets and boxes of chocolate every year (though I have been the recipient of some pretty sweet gifts).  I interpret Valentine’s Day more broadly than some, and see it as a general day to express your love to those you know….and even to those you don’t.  This day in particular can cause some people to slip into mild depression if they don’t have that “special someone” in their life.  That’s where you and your volcano of love, overflowing with hot liquid magma (please tell me that I’m not the only person who said this word in a Dr. Evil voice….anyone?) and loving goodness, can swoop down and brighten someone’s day.  This could be as simple as wishing someone an amazing Valentine’s Day, or offering to treat them to a BOGO deal at Qdoba in exchange for a peck on the cheek.  However you plan to spend your day, I hope that it is completely filled with love – so much so that you’re able to freely dispense that love onto unsuspecting others.  As for me, my homey and I are planning to rack up on as many Valentine food freebies and discounts as possible before ending the evening with a new epi of Scandal.  Yeah, my Fitz like has gone down a bit after witnessing his passive-aggressiveness last week, but I do admire his g-move on the late Supreme Court Justice Verna Thornton.  You will not ruin his legacy mam……but I digress, as clearly I’m way too into this show.  Happy Valentine’s Day everyone, and enjoy one of my fav love songs (and karaoke selections), along with a cutesy remake by the Smiths!  Hollers ❤

‘Elephant’ – The Superhero Sidekick!

superhero

Today’s random tale is another throwback from my earlier days in blogging and recognizes two things that I love: 1) my nephew & 2) superheroes.  I hope that you enjoy!  I also, just for kicks and giggles, put my name into a Superhero Name Generator and was informed that my superhero name would be ‘The Incredible Freak’.  Yeah……not entirely sure what that’s about, but I hope that you all have an amazing Thursday 🙂

My (then) 4 year old nephew is a pure comedic genius, and the things he comes up with make this random auntie proud.  I was on the phone with my mother a few months ago, just doing my regular family check-in.  She was being encouraging as I was feeling down that day after having a not-so-pleasant experience with a member of the opposite sex.  She proceeds to put my nephew on the phone so that he could say ’Hi’, and after greeting me, he tells me that I’m his girlfriend.  Now, I saw two things wrong with this picture: (1), he should not think that it’s appropriate to just tell a woman that she is his girlfriend.  She should be extended the invitation, preferably after being wooed with nice things like dinners and superhero movies directed by Christopher Nolan, and (2) I can’t have my own nephew be my rebound guy!  I kindly turned down my nephew’s offer after explaining to him that I wasn’t his girlfriend but his aunt.  He simply replied ‘Ok’, and presented a counter offer – that I could instead be his superhero sidekick!  As much as I love superhero movies, I was ready to jump at the offer, until he told me that my name would be ‘Elephant’.  *insert record scratch*  Come again little guy, because I know you’re not trying to take a jab at my weight?  I surpressed the side of me that wanted to throw shade at a 4 year old, and instead happily accepted his offer.  Now, you may not find me driving in a tricked-out car and responding to a lit signal displayed in the night sky, but I will be around……watching……protecting…….I am Elephant!

Sweet Thing

andy confetti gif

“I would love you anyway

Even if you cannot stay

I think you are the one for me

Here is where you ought…to beeeeee”

I am in LOVE…..or maybe I should say strong like.  I mean, I’ve known about the object of my affection for awhile, but it’s only recently that I’ve come to the full appreciation of its being.  It’s sweet, sugary, cream cheese icing laced, get in my belly IMMEDIATELY being!  And yes, this post is dedicated to red velvet cupcakes.

red velvet cupcakes

Yummy!  For some reason, last week I had a random craving for red velvet cupcakes.  I’ve never been into sweets, so I gave into said craving and, wow – Martin’s did not disappoint.  Those cupcakes were the bomb.com…and my housemates agreed.  Needless to say, those cupcakes didn’t stand a chance in my house (and I learned a valuable lesson, that when you offer something as delicious as red velvet cupcakes to others, some people take that as license to eat all that remain…except for one, which is yours….le sigh).  Fast forward to this week, and I give into the same craving while shopping at Walmart…only this time, I purchase a single serving to keep myself in check…..and so I didn’t have to share. Man oh man, Walmart might be the devil (though they were the only ones open during the time of night that I chose to go shopping), but that piece of cake was so good!  In general, I try to eat pretty healthily, so I didn’t feel super guilty about my recent excursions into red velvet-land.  And on top of that, I’m planning to start a 30-day fast/detox in the beginning of January – so I’m allowing myself a few sweets until then.  But I’m going to have to learn how to make these babies for myself….and possibly in a healthier (maybe vegan?) form.  Hmmmmm *strokes invisible pondering beard*….I’ll keep you posted.  But the moral of this story is: Walmart = bad (seriously, they’ve been criticized on multiple occassions for offering inadequate benefits to their employees, among other things…), but red velvet cupcakes are always good.  That’s why they’re my ‘sweet thing’, tell’em Chaka:


I ain’t no punk…..anymore…….

I’m easily amused but not as easily entertained & get frustrated at the number of channels available and yet the lack of interesting programming (except on Thursday night when Scandal comes on – I stan for Olivia Pope & her lip quiver).  The interwebs now has become my go-to source for entertainment, and thanks to Netflix – I don’t even have to deal with regular TV.  Take that Comcast!  I’ve rediscovered the classic ‘The X-Files’, a show which freaked me out as a kid (even the theme song is creepy) but is intriguing & satisfies my “whodunit/mystery-solving/kept-on-my-toes” proclivities.  I can easily see myself becoming a fan & I’m only 3 episodes in 🙂  I’m also now drawn to finding shows/movies that maybe I wasn’t quite ready for 20+ years ago.  Ok….I was a little (as in a lot) afraid of a few things as a kid.  Which leads me to the topic of today’s random post, a show that really scared me at the tender age of 8: Rescue 911.

For those of you who don’t remember this gem of a PSA turned program hosted by Mr. Priceline himself, Rescue 911 was an informational reality-based TV series that ran from 1989 to 1996.  My fond memories of this show primarily span sometime during the years 1991-1992.  I was in the third grade and for some reason, my then teacher (Ms. Walker) thought it was a good idea to show her class of precocious third graders ‘Rescue 911’ on a weekly basis.  I’m sure her intentions were good, in that she wanted to promote safe behaviors among her students.  But from my 8 year old perspective, it made me afraid of being the victim of a freak accident – like a garage door falling on me or becoming trapped on an escalator.  On top of that, I’ve never been a fan of blood & gore (& I’m still not…..waited until Kill Bill came on cable before I would watch it), and even though Rescue 911 was arguably rated G….it still was pretty scary to my young eyes.  I actually remember crying in class on a few occasions because I really didn’t want to watch the show…

After facing my fears & watching (and actually liking) a few episodes of  ‘The X-Files’, I mustered up the courage to search for ‘Rescue 911’.  Youtube did not dissapoint, and as an adult the show actually proves to be informative on important issues like safety, accident prevention, and the loudness of the colors worn in the early 90s.  Go me for punching fear in the face *insert fist pump*!  So the lessons I’ve learned on my brief trip down memory lane are:

1. Things can take on a different perspective over time (I might want to revisit all of those old movies that I was scared to watch as a kid, like ‘The Terminator’, ‘Jurassic Park’, anything with aliens, and the list goes on….),

2. Youtube & Netflix are amazing resources for locating classic 90’s shows and movies,

3. Parents, for the love of all things sacred, PLEASE watch your children around escalators.  Erase that….just watch your kids…period, and

4. I’m not going to let fear make me it’s punk!

To conclude today’s random posting, I’d like to share a more positive childhood memory from one of my (still) favorite movies of all time: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze.  I so had a crush on Michaelangelo, and I’m not ashamed to admit that.  (Note to self: must raid Walmart bargain movie bin for a copy of this movie…)  Love how they break it down at 5:14 – Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO!  Have a great Thursday 🙂

I *heart* the music on FreeConferenceCall.com!

I’m easily amused, and can pretty much find something to laugh hysterically about every day, lol!  Case in point: a friend who knows about my random fits of amusement shared with me recently about his shared love for the hold music that is played by freeconferencecall.com.  For those of you who have not yet had the pleasure of participating in a freeconferencecall.com call – I strongly encourage you to do it today.  Your life will forever be changed.  The music that they play while you wait for the rest of the callers to join your call is so catchy.  I would actually look forward to being the first caller on the line for the sole purpose of “singing” along to the song……in spite of the song having no words……  Trust me, this will all make more sense to you once you’ve experienced the magic of the freeconferencecall.com hold music, I promise you.  The previously mentioned friend also stumbled upon this gem: a video of a contestant from ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ dancing to our beloved hold music!  Needless to say, I’m looking forward to my next conference call – as I have some new moves to try out *starts stretching*, lol!  Have a great Thursday 🙂

Black Baby

I realized that it’s been seven whole days (cue Mary J. Blige) since my last posting.  In that time I did decide to go home for Thanksgiving, and had an amazing time with family and friends 🙂  The holidays took away some of my writing juices, but now I’m back!  In honor of Random Thursday, I present a tale of randomness from my previous experience in blogging.  Have a fabu Thursday!

 

A friend of mine has a very distinct smell.  It’s not like he smells funky or anything, it’s actually quite pleasant, but it’s a smell that is specific to him and that is noticeable whenever he’s around.  One day we’re riding in the car and I turn to him and ask, “Has anyone ever told you that you smell like babies?”  He gives me this weird look, as if to question why I would even ask him that, but then answers “No, no one has ever told me that I smell like babies before.”  Feeling as though I’ve offended him, I reply “It’s not a bad baby smell, you have a good, clean, fresh baby smell.”  The conversation continues a little something like this:

Him: “It must be the lotion I use, I use Palmer’s cocoa butter.”

Me: “Oh, well I must have been around babies who use that same lotion.”

Him: “So what you’re saying is that you’ve been around black babies.”

Me: “Yes, I have been around black babies!  That’s it, you have a black baby smell”

We then spent the rest of the car ride coming up with circa 1970s cocoa butter product slogans, which we started referring to as simply ‘black baby’ – for when you want to whoop that ash.